38 yer olds are good kisserssss
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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