I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
