I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
