why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
