I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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