My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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