i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
