remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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