so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
