So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
