there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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