it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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