I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
