at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize