just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
