Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
