i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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