Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
