evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
