I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
