I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You are a genius and a whore.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
