The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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