He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
