I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
