You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
