there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Less talking, more tequila
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
