he looks like a really good dad on facebook
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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