Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
