hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
