He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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