im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need water and some morals
Randomize
