if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
