Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
