i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
