Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
