So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
