i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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