I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
