So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
