U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
