Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
