sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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