I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
