Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
