he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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