I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
