I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
