oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
