in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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