"it" just moved
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize