just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
