I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
