Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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