the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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