the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
