please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
