i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
