i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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