OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
