You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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