I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
