He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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