I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
