you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
