Just invented taco cereal.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
